Bob's Diner

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Page name: Bob's Diner [Logged in view] [RSS]

2022-01-26 00:23:33

Last author: Mortified Penguin
Owner: Sagacious Turkey

# of watchers: 286

D20: 11

Wiki-page rating	Stumble!
Informative:	0
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Funny-rating:	0
Friendly:	17

(Formerly Chuck's)

^{Abandon all outside food and drinks, ye who enter here.

a limerick, by [Mortified Penguin]

.........Welcome to Bob's Diner,

ain't no place finer!

The food is good,

we're always in tha 'hood,

and [Sagacious Turkey] is a whiner!

As seen in [iippo]'s diary!

This wiki sponsored in part by the [Sunrose] Does Not Suck committee

and the [pixish] art committee

_{by [Teufelsweib]}}

Menu:

Show content

|Da menyou|

<img150*0:stuff/aj/11111/bobsdinerspecial.png>

'If you are what you eat, then we're easy, fast and cheap!'

Don't see sumthin ya like on da menu? Well, add to it!

<img:stuff/b.GIF.gif>

^{_{Breakfast

1. Shakin' Bacon $1.50

2. Godzilla Eggs $1.20

3. Hash Browns $1.00

4. Hash Greens $1.00

5. Texas toast (this isn't really from texas) $2.00

6. French Toast (This isn't actually from France either) $3.50

7. French Fries (nope, still not from france...) $1.50

8. French Bread (NOT FROM FRANCE!!!) $1.25

9. French Wine (not from France exactly... it might have fallen off a truck,... but i don't know anything *whistles innocently*)

10. Mortified News-Paper-Colored-Breakfast-Sandwich $2.50

Lunch

1. Bob's special of the day: Sun. grilled cheese, Mon. leg of lamb, Tues. leg of bob, Wed. something we found on the street, Thurs. hamburger, Fri. tacos we stole from Taco Bell, Sat. you don't want to know. $4.19

2. hamburger & fries $4.00

3. uncooked ham (a live pig) $10.24

4. a bowl of fresh lard $3.49

5. Texas toast (this isn't really from Texas) $2.00

6. think of the nastiest thing you've ever seen or smelled... nope, nastier... yup thats it! $5.99

7. raw chicken liver with a dog drool sauce. $7.82

8. La Ham and cheese $2.30

9. Bob's Mama $1 an hour

10. Garfield's mama $0.50 an hour

11. sirloin $6.00

12. Sir. Loin (some British guy) £6.00

13. boiled Chef Zef $0.99

14. 3-legged lamb - whole: $10.00/ each leg: $2.00

15. fried Alley Gator $5.00

16. Plain poodle: $3.00/ Extra crispy poodle: $3.50

17. Poo Stew $2.25

18. Mashed taters and dressed up alligators $5.50

19. Woops, I sneezed... Oh well, might as well put it to good use... "snot sandwich" $1.25

20. Roasted n00b $4.00

21. Bloody Rock $1.50

22. Flattened road kill squirrel $4.75

23. Fresh n00b with blood croutons $4.50

24. [Shaggy13]'s soup $1.12

25. Turkey Jerkey $0.50

26. A Jerkey Turkey $5.00

27. YO MOMMA with a side of fries and a large soda $0.00

28. [Rolo]'s special: Mouse burger and french flies all for just $2.50

29. [Blvd. of broken dreams]'s Acid Kisses free to try then 4 easy payments of $19.95 to buy!!!!

30.

31. Micheal Jackson's nose $10.75

32. elf on the cob $5.50/whole elf $9.25

33. [spitfire_35121]'s mole 500,000.00

34. An Orange Chicken ¥300.00

35. Ground beef Carl $3.25

36. The Deep Fried Moose Combo $6.99

37. [sara(:]'s kitty.......$o.ooo9 per hour..

38. viagra pill $300

39. gobbler....?

40. a big fat bowl of ramen ¥800.00

41. hootchie cootchie $2.00

42. Burgers from McDonald's $1.00

43. Make Your Own Road Kill (Brought to you by MatchBox) $ 6.90

44. Deep Fried Squirrel Quesadilla $ 1.50

45. Eel Burger (it's shockingly delicious!) $3.4¾ (WARNING: Eel Burger may kill consumer. We are not responsible. Blame the eels!)

46. Selfish Shellfish Soufflé $4.99 (plus tip!)

47.All the grief, horror, madness,[Lethan] and opium-addled reverie you can shake a Victorian gentleman's walking stick at for a mere $5

48. [Eloura]'s Busted gut still fresh and good, for a nere (and this is a SALE people) $9.99

49. [Duke Devlin]'s Small Bacon Bit Babies. They are a delious bacony treat for any meal. $15,999.99 It's a real steal deal kids!

50. [Araglas]'s Zombie body food, just ask, it's good, and very fresh! Only $5.99!

51. All you can eat: [HardRockAngel]'s little brother: an endless supplie of meat. $12.99

Appetizers

1. half a cracker $1,000,000

2. Bloody Rock $1.50

3. [sara(:]'s (very little) Brain $2.00

4. [Fallen Child Athena]'s Foamy the Squirrel $5000.00 ((i stole him hahahahahaha))

5. [Mortified Penguin]'s intelligence (not a very big meal...) $0.25

6. Slice of maggot cheese $1.50

7. Cooked Sushi $4.50

8. Tumble Weed $1,000.01

9. [Fallen Child Athena]'s "happy crack".......$1.50((its weed))

10. Bowl of tears $.50

11. Crickets (a bowl full) $0.50

12. "Eye Rolls" $1.50

13. Corn on the toes $1.50

14. cooked sushi $2.00

15. Big, huge, throbbing, hot, juicy... breadsticks! $DAH.LER

16. [Mortified Penguin]'s ashes $Free to try $39.95 to buy

17. [Blvd. of broken dreams]'s leg (stays fresh for about a month) hehe jr., i told you!!!1

17. Military Intelligence (not much there) $9,999 {brought in by [Fallen Child Athena])

19. Fresh squeezed hangover from [Evolution X]

20. Ganondorf's Noodly Appendage (note: not big enough to be considered full meal) $4.00

21. Peanuts of Pathos $free with the purchase of a drink (In loving memory of our dear old friend, [Paul Doyle].)

22. Flagon of Dragon Lotion. Not sure what to make of this, frankly. It's not really a drink . . . have this with Peanuts of Pathos, perhaps? Do you have what it takes to consume this? I'm not sure I do.

23. [Mortified Penguin]'s head on a fake cheap silver platter.

24. Blubber nuggets, made with the finest whale blubber in the world! (YUM!) $100.00

Dinner

1. [Mortified Penguin]'s squeegey $0.10

2. DUSTIN'S MAMA and a condom......we'll pay you...take it,we don't want "it".....

3. Sasmooko's Shoe $1.75

4. A leg $Shoot something, or someone

5. [Fallen Child Athena]'s bunny rabbit..........$1.50

6. The "lame-@$$-mo'-frickin'-gay-infested-puppy-hating-country-o'-france" Special. (May include: French toast, french fries, french bread, french vanilla, french dressing, a lovely french dipping sauce, and a sexy lonely french woman that likes to french kiss) $19.95 if you order in the next ten minutes! ...plus shipping and handling...

7. [Evolution X]'s famous Spaghetti and eyeballs.

8. A Big Freakin' Bowl of Ramen $0 (Free for Mort, everyone else gets charged a mandatory $10 tip for the waiter)

9.Ugly stack of papers with protective cover. Looks to have been dropped into a beef broth by a sad, worn out, uncreative idiot. Yarg. (munches on a news-paper-colored-breakfast-sandwich) $2.00

10.Gammon with Fluff & gravy =] $0

11.Not so fresh puppy €7.00 (Other than brown colored +¥5.28)

12. [Scarekrow]'s Harden the fuck up special (with your choise of fist to the face or foot to the ass)................$25.00

13. Chuck Norris Stew with a side of sucker-punch and piss-in-your-pants. Priceless

Dessert

1. brownie-a-la-mode $2.00

2. crap-a-la-commode $2.00

3. artichoke pie $1.50

4. "cheese cake" (literally made of cheese) $1.75

5. Iced ice $0.50

6. Glazed rocks $0.75

7. Punkin Pie (full of fresh baked punks...) $2.00

8. Rake Cake (wanna do something special for your hard working rake for it's birthday? get this!) $1.75

9. n00b-a-la-blood $2.00

10. "Cow Pie" $2.00

11. [Phil Crooked]'s manhood $9,999,999,999.50

12. [Phil Crooked]'s manhood, FROSTED, $2

13. "apple sauce" $1

14. [nokaredes]'s old cast $how much you got?

15. [ikkle sid] for the night chocolate sauce included 4 all u randy twats lol ... $1,000,000,000

16. [Archeress of Mirkwood]'s liver flavored ice cream $2.50

17. [Archeress of Mirkwood]'s chocolate flavored moth-balls $1.75 per box

18. Bert and Ernie's every flavor spleens... er... I mean... beans. $1.00 per box

19.[bluefairy27]'s deadly blow fish surprise.$3.50

20. [Evolution X]'s Eskimo pie (from real eskimos)

21. Pink, fluffy and tasty Watapon (Warning: Not really tasty)

22. Vasturcro, free! (plus $20 in taxes, $35 for the food, which is $65, totaling out to $127)

23. Sweet, cherry, and pied crow pie, $2.33

Drinks

1. anything we can liquefy in the blender $1.00

2. snot $1.00

(smaller gap)

3. urine $1.00

4. "mystery meat juice" $1.00

5. liquid lard $1.00

6. [Fallen Child Athena]'s special "coffee" $1.95

7. goat milk $1.00

8. watered down tea $1.00

9. Turkey Milk $1.00

10. A Pint of Blood $0.50

11. A Quart of Blood $1.00

12. Goblet Of Blood On The Rocks $2.50

13. Rat Milk $1.00

14. Snow Coco $1.00

15. Hot, steaming cup of Coffee $1.00 (per cup)

16. Liquid ice $2.50 per pound

17. A "booty" shake $6.66

18. From the makers of Granny's Bunyan Creme and Granny's Homegrown Arsenic... we bring you... Granny's Hard Rubbing Alcohol! Not only does it get you hammered more than a nail, but it also helps heal your internal cuts! (WARNING: Granny's Hard Rubbing Alcohol will NOT heal your internal cuts. In fact, it may make them worse. We are not responsible for any injuries and/or death. Blame Granny!) $Depends on how "under the influence" you are.

19.something [Lethan] squeezed out of a brick

20. An Epic Fail (Brought in by Veari)

21. Tead down water(purified) $50.00

22. Special Equestrian "Mayonnaise" Smoothie}}

Bob's Diner Status Report:
_{Bob's Diner Status Report
^{All numbers and stats are approximate and lead to irregularities when double checking, due to faulty math and [Elftron] screwing with wiki comments and information sometimes. Don't blame us. Blame [Hedda].}

Year

04/05

05/06

06/07

07/08

08/09

09/10

10/11

11/12

12/13

13/14

14/15

15/16

16/17

17/18

18/19

19/20

20/21

Comments

9709

3870

3065

5676

4309

2879

5259

1697

0984

0756

0394

0177

0384

1677

0471

0285

0118

Average

26.6 cpd

10.6 cpd

08.4 cpd

15.5 cpd

11.8 cpd

07.9 cpd

14.4 cpd

04.7 cpd

02.7 cpd

02.1 cpd

01.1 cpd

00.5 cpd

01.1 cpd

04.6 cpd

01.3 cpd

00.8 cpd

00.3 cpd

Total Comments

09709

13579

16644

22320

26666

29545

34804

36501

37484

38240

38634

38839

39223

40900

41371

41656

41774

Total Average

26.6 cpd/9709 cpy

18.6 cpd/6789 cpy

15.2 cpd/5548 cpy

15.3 cpd/5580 cpy

14.6 cpd/5333 cpy

13.5 cpd/4924 cpy

13.6 cpd/4972 cpy

12.5 cpd/4563 cpy

11.4 cpd/4165 cpy

10.5 cpd/3824 cpy

09.6 cpd/3512 cpy

08.9 cpd/3237 cpy

08.3 cpd/3017 cpy

08.0 cpd/2921 cpy

07.6 cpd/2758 cpy

07.1 cpd/2604 cpy

06.7 cpd/2457 cpy

Until The End of the Friscal Year and the Next Status Report

Since The End of the Last Friscal Year

Since B's D's Founding}

Friscal Reports:

Show content

   Next Friscal Report:

_{Total: An unknown, futuristic XXXXX

Future paragraphs.

   Friscal Report:

Total: A(n) adjective 39223

Paragraphs.

   Previous Friscal Report:

Total: A(n) adjective 38839

Paragraphs.

   Previous Previous Friscal Report:

Total: A(n) adjective 38634

Paragraphs.

   Previous Previous Previous Friscal Report:

Total: A(n) adjective 38240

Paragraphs.

   Previous Previous Previous Previous Friscal Report:

Total: A(n) adjective 37484

Paragraphs.

   Previous Previous Previous Previous Previous Friscal Report:

Total: A(n) adjective 36501

Paragraphs.

   Previous Previous Previous Previous Previous Previous Friscal Report:

Total: A settling, halfsome 34804

As we all know, Bob's Diner has a comment based economy. As comment averages rise, Bob's Diner prospers. When they fall, Bob's Diner slips into a violent depression and has thoughts of suicide. It often cries itself to sleep at night, wondering how it's going to feed its 27 children. So, you can clearly see why the more comments you make, the better off we are and the less I'll hate you.

With that in mind, this year was certainly better than last year, but not nearly as better as the year before the year before last year, which is the best except for the one that was better which was the year before the year before that. Following this trend, we can predict that next year, the year following this year, will be the year that comes after this year. However, as this year is already over, we've already entered into the new year, meaning that this year isn't this year but last year and next year is this year, not the year after this year. So, with this other stuff I just said in mind, I suspect that, since this year is now this year, not next year, the comments will continue steadily trending upward, unless they don't. Realistically speaking though, and following the current data, the comment average will take a two year nose dive into the worst recession we've seen yet before going back up in 14/15.

So, the comments were alright this year. But, why weren't they alrighter? It was likely because of two bannings of members that were previously highly productive commenters: Artsie and Mystin. They will be missed. Not really though. In other news, CEO, international sex superstar, and self-proclaimed CEO, [Mortified Penguin], will be stepping down as manager today and stepping up some stairs. That lead to the manager's office. Where he will be crowned manager. Also, [Nioniel] stole our 'i'.

(This has been a vaguely worded announcement by a guy typing things.)

   Previous Previous Previous Previous Previous Previous Previous Friscal Report:

Total: An unsettling, unwholesome 29545

More Obama related mishaps have taken quite a toll on Bob's Diner this year. That, coupled with [53406] as manager, has resulted in 1430 less comments than last year. Which brings the average number of comments for the friscal year to a miserable 7.9 a day and the average for all time down to 13.5 a day. We've determined the cause of the missing 37 comments from 07/08 to be homicide. Police are investigating the contents of Misty's stomach in hopes of finding remains. So far, nothing but rat skeletons and bear feces has turned up.

No new members for the entire year (that I know of. I haven't really checked, I'm just assuming). Likely Misty's fault. In this past friscal year, B's D has apparently become /b/'s D. Our big 'B' will be missed.

For this upcoming friscal year, I will be taking over as manager once more (until it becomes apparent that the numbers will be down, at which point I will hand ownership back to Turkey). I plan to run this Diner the way it was meant to be run... straight into the ground. First off, budget cuts everywhere! No more of this "getting Christmas off to be with family" nonsense. Workers will now work 367 days a year or be fired (at)(with bazookas).

(This has been a public dis-service announcement from CEO and self-proclaimed sexual offender, [Mortified Penguin].)

   Previous Previous Previous Previous Previous Previous Previous Previous Friscal Report:

Total: A nice, wholesome 26666.

So, we never did find out what happened to those poor, unfortunate 37 comments. They will be missed. This friscal year, we had a disappointing 4309 comments. The lower number is speculated to be the fault of Obama, the recession, and, of course, Misty. Though it wasn't as good as last year's or the 04/05 year, it's still better than the dismal period from 2005 to 2007. The 08/09 numbers are still a pretty decent accomplishment, considering Elftown's sharp decline in members.

In this passing friscal year, we (and by 'we' I mean 'I') have managed to get a whole bunch of new members and casual visitors... thanks to good ol' fashion spamming. Speaking of meat byproducts, the Diner is now under [53406]'s control once more, meaning that he's the one that should be held responsible for the poor friscal report! ...Get 'im! ...*eats ramen*...

(This has been a public service announcement from ex-CEO and casual rapist, [Mortified Penguin].)

   Previous Previous Previous Previous Previous Previous Previous Previous Previous Friscal Report:

Total: 22320 (though it should be 22357!)

This leaves some 37 missing comments. It is Bob's Diner's top priority to find these missing comments and bring them home safely.

Thanks to the brilliant leadership of [Mortified Penguin], Bob's Diner has had it's second best year yet! We nearly doubled those comments from last year and even brought B's D out of it's depression. So remember... support the Ramen Party and Bob's Diner in the next friscal (that's right! friscal!) year... every comment counts. (This has been a public service announcement from CEO, Mortified Penguin.)}

^{_{Previous B's D}}

^{_{By posting comments to Bob's Diner, you grant a world-wide, royalty-free, and exclusive license to [Mortified Penguin] to steal your dumb jokes, musings, ramblings, nonsequiter nonsense, and general comments and publish them in a legally questionable screenplay, which will then be fashioned into a highly problematic and excessively meta book. All posters, now and prior to this post, forfeit copyright ownership of all comments to [Mortified Penguin]. Any profits from said screenplay book will belong solely to [Mortified Penguin], who is handsome, and who also reserves the right to not give you credit for your dumb comments. The addition of this message to this wiki covers all comments forthwith and hithertofore. By continuing to post on Bob's Diner and by having previously posted on Bob's Diner, you forfeit any and all rights to litigation against [Mortified Penguin]. However, if one of your stolen comments results in legal trouble for [Mortified Penguin], all copyrights and intellectual property rights for the aforementioned problematic comments will be returned to the original poster, who will take on all legal responsibilities. Finally, to the judge who will inevitably read this, FUCK YOU, YOU LITTLE BITCH. YOU DON'T HAVE THE BALLS TO FIND ME GUILTY. YOU LITTLE PUSSY. I AM ABOVE THE LAW. I DO NOT RESPECT THE AUTHORITY OF YOUR COURT AND THE SECOND I LEAVE THIS COURTROOM, I'M HEADING STRAIGHT TO YOUR HOUSE TO SKULLFUCK YOUR WIFE INTO A COMA. YEAH, THAT'S A THREAT. WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO? JUDGE ME? COWARD.}}

2018-11-26 [Mortified Penguin]:

2018-11-26 [Mortified Penguin]: Now let us discuss these images.

2018-11-26 [Mortified Penguin]: Personally, I disagree with the offensive rhetoric in the egg one.

2018-11-27 [Pied Crow]: But, the form of the egg's shell is the best part!

*is trying to lockpeck the semi-Prius's door*

2018-11-27 [Mortified Penguin]: Here, just use the spare key. *hurls a brick at Crow*

2018-11-27 [Mortified Penguin]: Oh, wait. That's the key to Pillowthief's Rape Van.

*flips through a number of different bricks on his key chain*

Ah, he we go. Turkey's Corporate Rape Prius. *takes one off and hurls it at Crow*

2018-11-28 [Pied Crow]: YOU KILLED ME!

2018-11-28 [Yuriona]: *wraps Crow in crime scene tape*

2018-11-28 [Mortified Penguin]: You were already dead inside anyway.

*gently places a decorative bow on top of the wrapping*

*delicately lifts the corpse and drop kicks it into the ceiling fan*

Anyway, back to business. *starts smashing the Prius with a brick, while thousands of customers wait impatiently in line*

2018-11-28 [Pied Crow]: N-Nooo, not with a brick! At l-least use an over-sized brick, please!

*careens cleanly out a suspiciously, conveniently, openly open window*

2018-11-30 [Nuktae-tal]: *closes window slowly now that the body is gone* *whispers* just somebody that I used to know.

2018-12-03 [Pied Crow]: Don't worry, guys! I found out how to log back in!

2018-12-04 [Mortified Penguin]: Shh, you're dead now. No more tears, only dreams of tractors. *slowly pushes Crow back out the window*

2018-12-05 [Nuktae-tal]: *quickly places window around the penguin*

2018-12-05 [Yuriona]: *hangs plastic shower curtain on window*

2018-12-05 [Mortified Penguin]: *scratches at the window, meowing sadly*

Wait, what the hell am I doing? I'm a person, not a damn cat.

*smashes the window with his face and climbs through*

*scoops a handful of catfood out of the tip jar and munches it while purring contentedly*

2018-12-06 [Pied Crow]: Ahhhhh... Lovely, heavy tractors......!

2018-12-06 [Mortified Penguin]: You're a tractor.

2018-12-07 [Pied Crow]: Buh-whaaaaa? Tractors have feathers now?? Hm... Not sure how I feel about that.

2018-12-08 [AdamTheChespin]: Rawr

2018-12-08 [Mortified Penguin]: A customer?! *breaks a wine bottle in half and brandishes it threateningly*

What the hell do you want?!

2018-12-09 [Yuriona]: The usual of course!

2018-12-09 [Pied Crow]: *head pops up*

Hm? Someone made a rawr?

2018-12-11 [Nuktae-tal]: Omg the wine! *bathes in the puddle of broken glass and grape colored water*

2018-12-11 [Mortified Penguin]: Nevermind, the customer left. :(

*sweeps up the glass shards and Nuk and puts them back in the wine cellar*

2018-12-12 [Sagacious Turkey]:

2018-12-14 [Nuktae-tal]: *runs around the cellar making mouse noises*

2018-12-19 [Pied Crow]: Hark! Will somebirdie do something about that rat making mouse noises? I'm resting out here.

2018-12-21 [Mortified Penguin]: No birds around here. Except Yuri, she's a CHICKEN.

*pelts Yuriona with seeds*

*she clucks excitedly and starts eating them with her dumb chicken face*

2018-12-21 [Yuriona]: *peers out of broom closet* Stop calling your Mom my name! Its sick.

2018-12-21 [Pied Crow]: All these dreams of tractors are making me hungry! Hey! Where do I have to go to get a live lobster around here?!

2018-12-21 [Mortified Penguin]: *points at the live lobster tank right beside you, full of live lobsters being alive*

2018-12-21 [Mortified Penguin]: *also, there is a crab in there*

2018-12-22 [Mortified Penguin]: There's also that other tank over there by those other two tanks. *points at a 1.5 million gallon tank full of more that 672,841 live lobsters. 672,842, to be precise. 672,843 to be imprecise*

2018-12-22 [Pied Crow]: Ah, I see.

... Well? Go on! I don't do self-service!

2018-12-22 [Mortified Penguin]: *one of the lobsters crawl out of the tank and into a pot of boiling water*

*a few minutes later, it crawls out of the pot and starts rubbing itself down with a stick of butter*

*it then loads itself into one of the three corporate trebuchets and launches itself at speeds of over Mach 2 directly into the wall*

2018-12-22 [Mortified Penguin]: *sweeps up a pile of drywall below the new gaping hole in the wall*

*loads it into one of the trebuchets and launches it out the window into traffic*

Now where's my tip?!

2018-12-25 [Nuktae-tal]: *loads trebuchet with mashed potaties next*

2018-12-25 [Sheamus Finn]: *Prepares the Cauldrons of boiling mystery gravy*

2018-12-25 [Mortified Penguin]: The only mystery surrounding our gravy is what makes it taste so great! I'll bet it's all the Stink Bugs and hand sanitizer.

2018-12-25 [Sheamus Finn]: Don't forget the chunky milk and romaine lettuce

2018-12-25 [Mortified Penguin]: Actually, we use romaine milk and chunky lettuce.

2018-12-26 [Nuktae-tal]: *seasons with rat poop and owl pellets*

2018-12-26 [Mortified Penguin]: THIS IS BOB'S DINER, NOT BOB'S CHARITY! *scoops the various ordures out of the gravy with his hands and throws them back into the "gourmet spices" pile*

2018-12-26 [Pied Crow]: Huh, wha, I'm back, I'm back, I never left, I'm back!

Oh. Oh, no! I didn't want the cute lobster boiled!!

2018-12-26 [Sheamus Finn]: How about broiled? Microwaved? Gamma waved? Caramelized? Served with a side of fries? Immortalized (oil or in film?).

2018-12-26 [Nuktae-tal]: Ah a singing career just what that lobster needed before turning to a life of drugs and violent death!

2018-12-27 [Mortified Penguin]: We should all be so lucky.

2018-12-28 [Pied Crow]: Uhhhh..... I guess immortalized in film is good enough. Ooh! Make it a kaiju film!

2019-01-04 [Mortified Penguin]: NO.

2019-01-04 [Mortified Penguin]: What the hell?! When did it turn 2019?!

2019-01-04 [Mortified Penguin]:

2019-01-04 [Nuktae-tal]: Happy another year to fuck everything up guys and objects!!

2019-01-05 [Pied Crow]: I think this year, I'll...do absolutely nothing different! Yes.

2019-01-06 [Tekkon KinKreet]: because Mort told me i should. •Heroes of Eralu•. New RP.

2019-01-06 [Mortified Penguin]: HOW DARE YOU COME TO MY WIKI AND SPAM LIKE THAT?! I would never do something like that to you.

2019-01-06 [Yuriona]: Of course you wouldn't. That's because you coerce other people to do it for you.

I WANT MORE CORPSES DAMN YOU! The regular corpses are checking out that •Heroes of Eralu• thing.

2019-01-06 [Mortified Penguin]: *shrugs and murders two Mistys, a Nok, a Nuk, and four Crows*

2019-01-06 [Mortified Penguin]: *murders a fifth Crow just in case*

2019-01-06 [Pied Crow]: At least one of those must have been me. Again. All this dying is giving me flashbacks to...the place that's missing an "e".

2019-01-06 [Mortified Penguin]: Ah, yes. Bob's Dinr. That place sucks and that annoying Mortifid Pnguin guy is always eating ramn for some reason.

*eats ramen out of a Crow skull*

2019-01-07 [Sheamus Finn]: Wait I made the cut? Holy Shit....*points to pope taking a dump in the ice cream machine*

2019-01-07 [Nuktae-tal]: Close the door he likes it colder than satans nipples in there! *uses satan to cut glass windows out of the glass windows with his nipples*

2019-01-14 [Mortified Penguin]: Speaking of nipples, I need to come up with some more spamming schemes. Perhaps Telegram is a good place to go to trick gullible morons into commenting here...

2019-01-15 [Pied Crow]: You lured me here because I was looking up sergals one day. So...you likely should continue to not do that, do you really want more of me around?

2019-01-15 [Mortified Penguin]: Why would you even Google sergals when e621 exists?!

2019-01-15 [Sheamus Finn]: How about Bob's travel service?

2019-01-16 [Mortified Penguin]: HOW ABOUT YOU GO WASH THOSE DISHES?! *points at an empty sink*

2019-01-16 [Sheamus Finn]: *climbs the ladder and prepares his best dive* Woo hoo open swim!!

2019-01-16 [Pied Crow]: I was an innocent bird! ... Wait, that wasn't that long ago... I was a naïve bird!

Oh, the story moved on. Wooo! Do a smith grind, Shamus!

2019-01-17 [Mortified Penguin]: *drags the boiling cauldron of soup/pitch underneath the diving board*

2019-01-17 [Mortified Penguin]:

2019-01-19 [Nuktae-tal]: Niiiiiccceeeeeee

2019-01-19 [Mortified Penguin]:

2019-01-19 [Mortified Penguin]: Now this stupid thing exists for some reason: https://t.me/turkeyschat

BUT NONE OF THOSE SCUMBAGS WILL LEAVE A COMMENT HERE.

2019-01-19 [Pied Crow]: A short URL? I don't trust it!

2019-01-20 [Mortified Penguin]: It doesn't trust you!

2019-01-20 [Mortified Penguin]:

2019-01-20 [Sagacious Turkey]:

2019-01-21 [Pied Crow]: Birdie!

2019-01-21 [Nuktae-tal]: Hey now... thats some fine feather fowl we have going on in here!

2019-01-25 [Mortified Penguin]: Too lewd.

2019-02-04 [Mortified Penguin]:

2019-02-06 [Pied Crow]: Would it be fair to assume you'll be there for me?

I dunno, I had to think of something.

2019-02-06 [Nuktae-tal]: HELLO MY PEEPLE!

2019-02-07 [Mortified Penguin]: I will not be there for you. There are spiders there.

2019-02-08 [Pied Crow]: Oh, so is that why I'm getting bite marks on my wing?

2019-02-12 [Mortified Penguin]: *looks up with a mouth full of crow feathers*

Y-yeah, that's probably why.

2019-02-13 [Nuktae-tal]: Jeez Sheamus just get older why don't you!!!

2019-02-14 [Pied Crow]: Huh? Mort-bird!!

Have you seen The Crowd by King Vidor? Pretty compelling film.

2019-02-15 [Mortified Penguin]: I'll take care of this... *starts brutally stabbing Sheamus in the body*

2019-02-15 [Mortified Penguin]: I don't watch things, I'm blind. *goes back to watching himself stab Sheamus*

2019-02-20 [Pied Crow]: ... Did he say that because it's a silent film?

2019-02-28 [Mortified Penguin]: You're a silent film! *shoves Yuriona*

2019-02-28 [Mortified Penguin]: We're halfway through this friscal year and only have an average of 1.3555555556 comments per day. This is clearly Nuk's fault and she will only be receiving a $90,000 paycheck instead of the usual $80,000 paycheck. Shame on you, Nuk. *spits on Crow*

2019-02-28 [Pied Crow]: What--Hey! Don't spit on me, this ain't the torture scene! I also didn't command you to!

2019-02-28 [Mortified Penguin]: Yes. You did. Right here in this letter.

*holds up a crudely forged letter saying, "I'm a dumb crow. Also, please spit on me and severely dock my paycheck, daddy~"*

You should really work on your penmanship. This letter looks crudely forged.

2019-02-28 The One and Only Wackynames: I am doing as suggested here is a comment

2019-02-28 [Mortified Penguin]: Lies. At no point have I ever suggested anyone comment here.

2019-03-01 [Pied Crow]: This is defamation of my character! This dumb crow would never call someone "daddy!"

2019-03-01 [Yuriona]: How about "papa"? Or "father"?

2019-03-02 [Mortified Penguin]: HEY. You put that exclamation mark on the other side of that quotation mark! Proper punctuation mechanics be damned, it looks better the way Yuri does it.

2019-03-02 [Pied Crow]: In that way, it makes what's quoted more clear... But, seeing that orphaned punctuation looks "weird".

2019-03-02 [Yuriona]: Are you biased against orphans??

2019-03-03 [Pied Crow]: ... Not in particular, but...

2019-03-03 [Mortified Penguin]: *"That's what I thought, bitch!" squeeks Tiny Tim, brandishing a crutch threateningly*

2019-03-04 [Pied Crow]: Since you support having punctuation outside a quotation, does that not mean you should have a comma after Tiny Tim's speech because you no longer have to worry about the exclamation point overriding the comma?

2019-03-10 [Mortified Penguin]: No, that's ridiculous. Punctuation should only go outside the quotation marks if it's a single word or short phrase. Actual quotes look better with punctuation inside the quotation marks. GAH. *snaps off one of his own fingers in anger*

2019-03-11 [Yuriona]: Hey now! What did that finger do to deserve such treatment? *snaps off a feather from [Pied Crow]*

2019-03-11 [Pied Crow]: Eh, I never liked that one anyway. *snaps off an ear from the corn field*

2019-03-24 [Mortified Penguin]: *some dumb joke about ears*

2019-03-24 [Mortified Penguin]: I'm gonna spam some stupid, gullible furries today. Maybe if I pretend like every comment they make gets them entered into a raffle for free art of their fursona, those dumb rubes will actually post here. Lemme just post a pic first, so none of them even see this comment announcing my intent to scam...

2019-03-24 [Mortified Penguin]:

2019-03-24 [Mortified Penguin]: There we go. Now those suckers won't have any idea I'm lying and that there's no free art raffle... Heh heh, ignorant chumps... *eats ramen*...

2019-03-24 [Mortified Penguin]: Aaaaany minute now...

2019-03-24 [Mortified Penguin]:

2019-03-24 [Mortified Penguin]: I think some people are getting suspicious...

2019-03-24 [Mortified Penguin]:

2019-03-24 [Mortified Penguin]: These dumb kikes seem to have some sort of issue with Telegram's Bob's Diner branch.

2019-03-24 [Mortified Penguin]: I got banned from the biggest Alabama furry chat for "arguing with the admins", which is a rule apparently. They initially tried to say I was spamming, but I pointed out that there wasn't a rule about spamming. However, me pointing that out was considering arguing. It's just ridiculous though, everyone knows I don't spam and I respect moderators and don't question their authority. Back me up here, [Yuriona]!

2019-03-24 [Mortified Penguin]: Anyway, back to mercilessly spamming furries... Gotta post 20 comments to hide this now...

2019-03-24 [Mortified Penguin]:

2019-03-24 [Mortified Penguin]: Comment

2019-03-24 [Mortified Penguin]: Additional comment

2019-03-24 [Mortified Penguin]: Third comment

2019-03-24 [Mortified Penguin]:

2019-03-24 [Mortified Penguin]: Ten more to go...

2019-03-24 [Sagacious Turkey]: Here is a comment.

2019-03-24 [Sagacious Turkey]: Here is a second comment.

2019-03-24 [Sagacious Turkey]: Here is a fourth comment. I'm too lazy to leave a third.

2019-03-24 [Sagacious Turkey]:

2019-03-24 [Sagacious Turkey]: Another comment...

2019-03-24 [Sagacious Turkey]: And another...

2019-03-24 [Sir Soapy]: 1

2019-03-24 [Sir Soapy]: 2

2019-03-24 [Sir Soapy]: 3

2019-03-24 [Sir Soapy]: 4

2019-03-24 [Mortified Penguin]: There, that should be sufficient. Now nobody will ever know.

2019-03-25 [Pied Crow]: What if l don't have a character because l lost my creativity when I learned higher thinking?

2019-03-25 [Infested_Zling]: that possum suit is going to give me interesting dreams...

2019-03-28 [Nuktae-tal]: I got a promotion... now I own soap.

2019-03-28 [Sheamus Finn]: Do Pokemon count as furries?

2019-03-28 [Pied Crow]: I hear people saying the Bun-Ear-y counts.

2019-03-30 [Yuriona]: ...

2019-04-01 [Nuktae-tal]: ???

2019-04-01 [Sheamus Finn]: ***

2019-04-01 [Pied Crow]: That wasn't a spiteful jab, it was lamentation over my lost creativity... I was a renowned author, you know!

2019-04-01 [Yuriona]: Which life time was that again?

2019-04-01 [Nuktae-tal]: It was seven cat lives ago!

2019-04-01 [Pied Crow]: No, not cats, I lived with a pack of wolves in an abandoned house. Check your info!

2019-04-01 [Yuriona]: Wolves have houses? How would they qualify for the mortgage?

2019-04-02 [Pied Crow]: When you put it that way, it was probably illegal...

2019-04-02 [Yuriona]: Squatters the lot of ye!

2019-04-02 [Nuktae-tal]: Poor homeless not dogs... how sad!

2019-04-03 [Mortified Penguin]: Those poor, poor knot dogs.

2019-04-03 [Mortified Penguin]: I need to stop hanging out with furries and go to church...

2019-04-04 [Infested_Zling]: you sure it wont burn down when you walk in there?

2019-04-05 [Mortified Penguin]: Depends on how much gasoline I can carry.

2019-04-06 [Pied Crow]: Oh, yeah! That's right, I get it, yeah, I learned about that recently, too.

2019-04-06 [AdamTheChespin]: Rawr. Hello.

2019-04-07 [The Right]: o.o

2019-04-08 [Pied Crow]: Caw! Greetings.

2019-04-09 [Mortified Penguin]: YOU THERE! WEIRDOS! *points at two Crows*

Go refill the salt shakers on table 47.

2019-04-10 [Pied Crow]: I can't meet those expectations.

2019-04-14 [Mortified Penguin]: *tosses you two grenade launchers*

2019-04-14 [Mortified Penguin]: There, now get to work.

2019-04-15 [Pied Crow]: Not usually my job, but...

*click-clack*

For the pride of B.D.F. (Bob's Diner Force)!

*refills the salt shakers with Gusto*

2019-04-15 [Mortified Penguin]: I SAID FILL THEM WITH SALT, NOT GUSTO! *backhands Tiny Tim up into the ceiling fan*

2019-04-15 [Yuriona]: Gusto is cheaper.

2019-04-16 [Pied Crow]: Well, you see, l only have sodium, but not chloride. Are you sure I can't use, uh, Gusto?

2019-04-16 [Rainbow Dragonflies]: . . . it is far beyond my bed time but . . . this cookie cake will not eat itself . . .

2019-04-16 [Pied Crow]: Aw... Now I wish I had cookie cake that could eat itself...

2019-04-18 The One The Only The Wackynames: Still waiting on this site to be updated to a format that doesnt require a lot of work to do anything in therefore i refuse to add comments to anything anymore

2019-04-18 [Mortified Penguin]: I'm sure [Hedda] will get around to updating it aaaany day now.

2019-04-18 [Nuktae-tal]: Oh yes updates... thats a thing isn't it? Or is it?

2019-04-18 DeadSabrina: I was told to do this

2019-04-19 [Pied Crow]: I, for one, think the HTML thingy stuff is cool!

2019-04-21 [Yuriona]: Every day this site is still functional is a surprise. Its practically falling apart. *kicks random corpse across floor*

2019-04-21 [Mortified Penguin]: NNNOOOOO! *cradles [Pillowthief]'s corpse*

He was my 64th favorite friend!

2019-04-21 [Yuriona]: Wow. He's really dropped in the rankings hasn't he?

2019-04-22 [Nuktae-tal]: You should see everyone elses! *reads list secretly under the counter while making strangled meowing noises*

2019-04-22 [Mortified Penguin]: Dammit, #479! Gimme that list back!

2019-04-22 [Yuriona]: *takes scandalous photos to sell to paparazzi*

2019-04-24 [Pied Crow]: All right, I'll play it... Where am I on the list, Mr. Penguin-Bird?

2019-04-25 [Nuktae-tal]: -69 from what I am reading

2019-04-26 [Yuriona]: How'd he get a cool number like that?

2019-04-26 [Pied Crow]: Hm? Assuming number one is the best, what does that mean for the negatives?

2019-04-27 [Mortified Penguin]: PUT DOWN MY HIT LIST AND GET BACK TO WORK.

2019-04-27 [Pied Crow]: * fills the salt with salt shakers *

2019-05-13 [Nuktae-tal]: *fires fireworks inside*

2019-05-14 [Pied Crow]: Don't you need a permit for that? Either cough up a permit or take those outside!

2019-05-14 [Mortified Penguin]: AND YOU BETTER HAVE A PERMIT PERMIT TOO.

2019-05-16 [Yuriona]: Is that a permanent permit permit or a temporary permit permit?


Year 04/05 05/06 06/07 07/08 08/09 09/10 10/11 11/12 12/13 13/14 14/15 15/16 16/17 17/18 18/19 19/20 20/21	Comments 9709 3870 3065 5676 4309 2879 5259 1697 0984 0756 0394 0177 0384 1677 0471 0285 0118	Average 26.6 cpd 10.6 cpd 08.4 cpd 15.5 cpd 11.8 cpd 07.9 cpd 14.4 cpd 04.7 cpd 02.7 cpd 02.1 cpd 01.1 cpd 00.5 cpd 01.1 cpd 04.6 cpd 01.3 cpd 00.8 cpd 00.3 cpd	Total Comments 09709 13579 16644 22320 26666 29545 34804 36501 37484 38240 38634 38839 39223 40900 41371 41656 41774	Total Average 26.6 cpd/9709 cpy 18.6 cpd/6789 cpy 15.2 cpd/5548 cpy 15.3 cpd/5580 cpy 14.6 cpd/5333 cpy 13.5 cpd/4924 cpy 13.6 cpd/4972 cpy 12.5 cpd/4563 cpy 11.4 cpd/4165 cpy 10.5 cpd/3824 cpy 09.6 cpd/3512 cpy 08.9 cpd/3237 cpy 08.3 cpd/3017 cpy 08.0 cpd/2921 cpy 07.6 cpd/2758 cpy 07.1 cpd/2604 cpy 06.7 cpd/2457 cpy